Whenever a zombie apocalypse happens, we must all be prepared. So here are a few pointers from Saint Johnny. First and for most, a weapon. Your best choices after years of research are going to be semi/full automatic rifles like the M4. Mainly because of a couple reason: Range, Semi/full auto, attachments, not very strong kick and a descent size magazine. Now you might ask, well what about shotguns? Alright, shotguns are VERY effective but when it comes to reloading, you better have drank some speed cola first. The same for pistols to. Earlier today, one of my friends mentioned he would use a MG42 or a SAW, mainly because he was into light machine guns. However, the thing about LMGs is that you will have to carry it and like the MG42 you might end up changing the barrel. The ideal purpose of having a LMG during a zombie apocalypse is for base guarding, that's it. It's not easy for a one man operation to be running around a town trying to be a badass. Pounds = pain, carry the least you can. That goes for chainsaws, sure they are effective but by the end of the day you arent going to be swinging that saw around with your tired arms. Oh' and by the way! For you people who think they can run around with a AK47, yea how about you try shooting one first before you pick it. Because AK47s tend to kick a little more than you probably think, so if you plan to use that to pop zombie heads, then first explain how you plan to do so without using the entire clip.
Secondly, learn the rules of zombie survival quick. The rules of survival are actually probably one of your first goals but we will go with it as second because most people don't learn until later. Here are some very basic pointer. I got more but resist to spend an entire day on here.
-Stay Agile/Alert & Don't Panic (It may seem safe.... until the fat lady sings)
-Pack light (As I said, "Pounds = Pain" the more you carry the more vunerable you are and the harder it is)
-Be Brutal (Poor jimmy is no longer a human, might as well shoot him before he infects you to!)
-Don't Be A Loud Mouth (Don't tell anyone what you're doing, stay quite)
-Negotiation Skills (Trading will be big among survivalists, so learn the system of the trade)
Thirdly, remember folks "there is no safe place, only safer." Location, location, location! It's important. Now the number one place you never want to be during a zombie apocalypse is in a big city. If you happen to be, gather friends, make a plan for escape and put it into affect and do it quick before the entire city is infected. Alright, now the best locations are obviously going to be the most isolated locations you can find. However, you are gonna want to be able to live off the land as well as start a civilization for long term uses. So here are your best choices...
1) Private island (if it's not infected already)
2) Hilltops (Good choice! Make sure the hill is capable of growing crops, it'll be worth it.)
3) Countryside (Get away from that zombie city and relax in the beautiful countryside)
And there you go folks! Some basic survival tips from Saint Johnny himself. Sure, I could have wrote you an entire book or gone far into detail but that's not me. Remember readers, stay classy!
Upcoming For The Blog: Announcing National Zombie Day
That's right everyone! After a night of fun and laughter on the town with his own brother, the travelocity gnome's brother got arrested. It started when the two brothers decided to get drunk one night and by the time it was midnight, the two gnomes had a little too many to drink. Yelling and disturbing the people at the bar, one man couldn't resist. A fight broke between the man and the two gnomes and let's just say the two drunk gnomes didn't come near to winning. Eventually, the gnomes had gotten kicked out of the bar and then started to do drugs right outside. Thus, someone called the authorities. On good side of the news, the Travelocity gnome fled from the scene and didn't get arrested. Currently, authorities are still on the hunt for him but in other words, who gives a damn.
